Explicit (full attention): Massage, holding someone as they cry, foreplay, sex.Note: For maximum effect, try new touches in new places at new times and learn what kinds of physical touch the other person enjoys.

Interference: Block interruptions and distractions while they’re busy.Loved ones: Look after the other person’s relative, pet, cause.Housework: Cooking meals, vacuuming, paying bills, gardening, fixing things etc….Note: Ask the other person often what kinds of and specific acts of service would be meaningful to them so you don’t waste time performing acts that they don’t value. The gift of self: Show up when they think it really counts.Shared interests: A book or a quality activity you can both share.Lasting tributes: Donate to a charity or cause in their name.Remembered gifts: Take notes whenever they mention they love something.Physical gifts: Buy, make or find something that reminds them they’re appreciated.Quality activities: Doing something together that you’re both interested in sharing.Quality sharing: Opening up and being vulnerable.Quality listening: Listening to let others feel heard.Focussed attention: Time spent NOT focussing on anything/one else (e.g., TV).Indirect words: Affirm the other person to and in front of others.Humble words: “Could you help me …?”, share the credit.Kind words: “I love you.”, “I care about you”, “I forgive you.”.Here are some thought-starters to help get you started… Words of affirmation examples: The best way to work out what other people want is to ask and experiment. How Can I Talk a Love Language I’m Not Familiar With?Īnyone can learn to speak any of the 5 love languages. They are able to make sure they each feel loved and validated.Īnd, if they’re a couple, they can bring up well-rounded, multi-lingual children that can recognise, give and receive love in all 5 love languages. On the other hand, when two people know and learn to speak each other’s primary love language they can quickly and easily communicate mutual love and appreciation. If you don’t know what’s happening, that can feel a lot like rejection or indifference which can quickly undermine a relationship. You can express as much love or appreciation as you like in a language someone else doesn’t value or understand and it will fall on deaf ears. Once the honeymoon period of a relationship ends, it’s important to be able to make the other person feel consistently and sustainably loved and appreciated (to keep their “ love tank” full).īut when two people (partners, family members, friends) don’t speak the same primary love language this becomes difficult.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman